How to Boost your Self Esteem

So, how’s your self-esteem doing?…

Perhaps you’re less productive than your colleagues

Maybe you’re eating junk food and vegging on the sofa

Perhaps your children have become a little feral

How are you doing versus everybody else? …

TRICK QUESTION!!!!

Above all, comparing ourselves to others feeds insecurity

External validation – the approval of others – delivers fragile self-esteem

Internal Validation creates rock-solid confidence

So why on earth do we seek external validation?

  1.  Because we are pack animals – we’re genetically programmed to create hierarchies
  2.  It can feel really good when we’re the top of the hierarchy
  3.  Society rewards “Best is Best” – school places, performance bonuses, promotions

BUT you’re only the best until someone better walks into your life

AND
you may find yourself stuck excelling at something that brings you zero Joy

Why Internal Validation creates genuine Happiness:

  • When we focus on what makes us happy we create authentic self measures vs “shoulds”
  • No one can do “You” better than You
  • With authentic self measures, we achieve our full potential and rock-solid self-esteem
  • By eliminating “I Win-You Lose” competition we can develop a growth mindset and:
  • be authentically generous about other’s success
  • openly ask for help
  • After that admit mistakes and learn from them
  • enjoy healthy competition
  • because inspire trust

Internally Validated people are supportive, authentic, motivated, happy and CHARISMATIC

How to Boost your Self Esteem: Tips to Overcome Comparing Ourselves to Others:

  1. Remember the benefits of internal validation – be your happiest, best self, more of the time
  2. Identify what authentically makes you happy
  3. eg Harmonious Family Time, Adventure, Making a Difference, Security

NB: Keep asking yourself “why is that important to me” until you run our of why’s and get to:

  1. an external validation eg because everyone looks up to me as the best
  2. or a genuine internal validation eg I feel proud that I’m making a difference
  3. Identify specific measures of how you’d know you are doing a good job in these areas
  4. Make your decisions large and small based on improving in these areas
  5. Ask – how am I doing vs last week/year /month? take action to improve
  6. In addition, Be Aware – everyone slips back into external validation sometimes – as mammals, we can’t help it – catch it early and change your viewpoint

And of course, if you need any more in-depth help, please call on 07946 526 838 or contact me here.

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