If you change your unconcious mind you can change your life

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Is it just me or is there a distinctive glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel?

We have positive news of a Covid19 vaccine on its way.

Food for hungry children in the holidays.

A new President intent on unifying the US and addressing climate change.

Call me an optimist…but I’m ready for a healthy dose of HOPE.

So…what is Hope?

Of all emotions Hope is closest to Trust.

And let’s be honest, trust in our leadership has been wearing a bit thin these days.

When we Hope we are trusting in the POTENTIAL of something positive happening.

Now this is different to desire, anticipation and expectation.

The expectation of “life back to normal” by spring will lead to disappointment.

However, we can TRUST that our global scientists have had a game changing breakthrough – that is a fact not a promise.

Therefore we can be filled with HOPE for major positive changes in the next 3-6 months.

So….why is Hope so important?

1) Hope supports perseverance.  We still have a lot of restrictions and sacrifices ahead of us. However, with then end in sight, hope helps us dig deep and soldier on.
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2) Hope for the future lifts our mood in the present. As we imagine ourselves hugging our loved ones, rebuilding careers and businesses, jetting off on holiday, we literally change our brain chemistry. We reduce the risk of anxiety and depression.

3) Hope is a motivator. As we think of the future becoming easier we feel motivated take action and get ready. Success feels more achievable so we feel more confident that our actions will be worth the effort.

4) Hope encourages us to take opportunities. When we are fearful we are risk averse. However with hope comes courage and optimism to stretch beyond our previous comfort zones.

5) Hope encourages us to do our best for others. When we feel despair we look inwards, consumed by ourselves and our own problems. With hope our perspective turns outwards – we can give and contribute more to others.

6) Hope is contagious. The more hope we have the more we inspire others to hope. As we feel lifted so we lift others with us.

Of course it’s not always easy to feel hopeful during difficult times – whatever the news.

So if you need any help, just give me a call – I’m here to support you and doing both online and face to face sessions in Chiswick, Acton and Windsor

Nichola
Crisis Counsellor, Hypnotherapist and EFT practitioner
www.londonlifesolutions.com
nichola@londonlifesolutions.com
07946 526 838

If you’re not already signed and would like to receive further Newsletters from me please sign up at the top of this page – thank you.

The Transformative Power of Hope

Procrastination…why on earth do we do it to ourselves?

Turns out we have a baked in design fault – Time Inconsistency.

Our Future Self can set goals but only the Present Self can take action.

What seems like a great idea as we go to bed becomes a tedious chore in the morning.

Our brain values long-term benefits when we are thinking of the future (tomorrow).

But values immediate gratification when it comes to the present moment (today).

Our Present Self and the Future Self are at odds with one another

So how do we tip the balance in Future Self’s favour?

1 – Make rewards more immediate – Temptation Bundling

Only do [the thing you love] while doing [the thing you procrastinate on].

eg: ONLY…

– Listen to audiobooks or podcasts you love while exercising.

– Get a pedicure while processing overdue work emails.

– Watch your favourite show while ironing or doing household chores.

Fun Fact

The night before its premiere, whilst out drinking with friends, Mozart realised he hadn’t written the overture to “Don Giovanni”.

His wife Constanze told him fairy tales as he composed in order to keep him awake long enough to finish.

 

2 – Make Penalties more immediate: Create a commitment contract.

– Enlist a buddy to do it with you or hold you accountable – the social pressure to avoid letting them down is immediate.

– Make a public declaration to people whose opinion you care about (improves chances of success by up to x3).

– Utilise loss aversion and accountability to impose immediate penalties https://www.stickk.com/tour

3 – Create Commitment Devices  design your future actions ahead of time to avoid temptation.

eg:

– Buy food in individual packages rather than in the bulk size.

– Delete games or social media apps to reduce time wasted on your phone.

– Voluntarily join the banned list at gambling sites to prevent future gambling sprees.

– Set up an automatic transfer of funds to your savings account.

Fun Fact
Victor Hugo locked away his clothes while finishing The Hunchback of Notre Dame. As he had no clothes to go out in, he spent the remaining time before publication finishing up his book, naked.

 

4 – Make Actions more achievable

  • 5 minute rule – everyone can commit to 5 minutes of anything, once you get started you might just continue.
  • Start small – avoid over committing target 2 days at the gym and smash your goal.
  • Use small increments – if a task is overwhelming it’s harder to get started. How do you eat an elephant? one bite at a time.
  • Power 1/2 hour – set the clock, build the urgency and dive in.
  • Visual Cues use a tick list or cross off successful days on a wall calendar.
  • Don’t let the perfect get in the way of the good.
  • Maybe you don’t have all the skills yet or all the information – just get started (responsibly).
  • Follow the Pareto rule – you achieve 80% of the result in 20% of the time.

 

…and if you need any help, just give me a call – I’m here to support you and doing both online and face to face sessions in Chiswick, Acton and Windsor

Nichola

Crisis Counsellor, Hypnotherapist and EFT practitioner

www.londonlifesolutions.com

nichola@londonlifesolutions.com

07946 526 838

If you’re not already signed and would like to receive further Newsletters from me please do so at the top of this page – thank you.

How to Combat Procrastination

So…what is Negativity Bias?

Our caveman brains are hard wired to notice what hurts us more than what feels good.

So depending on which study you use, it takes between 5-12 positive experiences to undo the impact of a negative experience.

In effect, the brain is like Velcro for negative experiences and like Teflon for positive ones.

This  colours our underlying expectations, beliefs, action strategies, and mood in an increasingly negative direction.

Therefore given the amount of negative news and experiences we are currently exposed to it’s not surprising if we’re feeling a little blue.

So…How do we switch from negative to positive?

10 Tips to Boost Positivity

1 – Recognise that most of our experiences are either neutral or positive. So it is factually NOT as bad as it seems.

2 – Practise REALISTIC optimism. What’s the best case, worst case, most likely case outcome.

NB: research shows UNREALISTIC optimism actually makes us feel worse.

3 – Avoid  Thinking Errors like catastrophising, fortune telling, mind reading and filtering out the positive.

4 – Emo Log your way out of rumination into problem solving:

Emo Log…write down:
What am I feeling?
What’s this really about?
What can I do right NOW to improve things?
What can I do longer term to resolve this?
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5 – Take positive facts and make them into positive experiences. Savour your morning coffee, breathe in the crisp autumn air. Then take a moment and build a memory.

6 – Be mindful. Rather than slipping into regret over the past, or fear over the future be present. Right now what is there to appreciate? – FEEL grateful.

7 – Recycle – why not cheat and reuse past positive experiences. Your unconscious mind can’t tell the difference between remembering something and actually doing it.

It’s a positive experience to remember a positive experience

8 – Write it down – if positive experiences slip from the memory, create an aide memoire – a gratitude journal full of heartwarming experiences.

9 – Keep and revisit a “Kudos” file to store testimonials, thank you emails, moments of recognition and praise. (Useful for appraisals and job applications too).

10 – Create positive experiences for others. Random acts of kindness, even a smile can change someone’s day – and giving feels good.

Keep at it. Neurons that fire together wire together. So the more you train yourself to look for the positive, the more your autopilot will take you there automatically.

…and if you need any help, just give me a call – I’m here to support you and doing both online and face to face sessions in Chiswick, Acton and Windsor.

Nichola
Crisis Counsellor, Hypnotherapist and EFT practitioner
www.londonlifesolutions.com
nichola@londonlifesolutions.com
07946 526 838

If you’re not already signed and would like to receive further Newsletters from me please click here Thank You

How to Combat Negativity Bias

So…how are you feeling about the rule of 6?

Maybe you’re happy to support the limit of social contact to stem transmission.

Perhaps you’re dreading the increased social limitations.

According to the latest ONS data 30.9% of those asked, said their well-being had been affected through feeling Lonely in the past seven days.

That’s 7.4 Million of us in GB.

As Coronavirus continues to dominate our lives, Loneliness is taking hold.

Firstly…It’s OK to feel Lonely Right Now

The charity Mind suggests there are many reasons for loneliness – they all seem to involve loss or absence of a support group.

  • Whether it’s feeling isolated from work colleagues.
  • Loss of community contact.
  • Starting University or a new school format.
  • Bereavement.
  • Or maybe just the inability to see friends and family.

We’ve all been affected by the factors that drive loneliness
as a result of the pandemic.

Tips to Combat Loneliness

1 – First recognise that Loneliness is a feeling NOT a fact: we are programmed to focus on the negative – challenge your feelings and make a plan to increase positive contact with others. Then, You guessed it…

Emo Log…write down:

What am I feeling?
What’s this really about?
What can I do right NOW to improve things?
What can I do longer term to resolve this?
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2) Then notice your negative thoughts – are you using thinking errors eg mind reading (no one wants to hear from me), fortune telling (it will be like this for months and months). Try listing things to be grateful for to lift your mood.
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3) Reach out – others are feeling lonely too. Check in more often with friends and family. Then reconnect with old friends. Make dates to meet up with your current network.
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4) Share your feelings – it’s OK to be vulnerable with those we trust and research shows it helps…everyone. They may be want support too. Avoid sharing on social media – you may not get the reaction you want.
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5) Stop Comparing – we have no idea what’s happening behind closed doors it may be a very different story to the picture presented.
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6) Extend your social network – find some news hobbies based on your values. Perhaps a book club, online choir. Or, if you can’t find one maybe create your own by recruiting on a local social media group.
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7) Volunteer – focussing on the needs of others is a great way to forget your own troubles. Think of something that connects you to others. Why not help someone else who’s lonely at the same time?  http://befriending.co.uk
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Here’s a list of UK Volunteering Opportunities

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8) Show up and engage – whether it’s online or virtually. Then take action and whatever you chose to do be reliable with others. Repeated contact builds bonds.
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9) Be curious – “don’t expect perfect and don’t expect applause”. Not everything you try will be great and some might be disastrous. Give it a chance and if then it’s not for you keep looking for something better.
10) Be Compassionate – to yourself and others. It’s a Pandemic – it’s OK if you are finding it hard.

…and if you need any help, just give me a call – I’m here to support you and doing both online and face to face sessions in Chiswick, Acton and Windsor

Here’s a list of useful contacts from the charity Mind

Nichola
Crisis Counsellor, Hypnotherapist and EFT practitioner
www.londonlifesolutions.com
nichola@londonlifesolutions.com
07946 526 838

If you’re not already signed and would like to receive further Newsletters from me please click here Thank You

How to Combat Loneliness

Change thrust upon us outside of our control is rarely comfortable

So maybe we can look to theBuddhist principle of impermanence for a little help…

According to Buddhism,

Attachment is the Root of Suffering

Impermanence allows us to cope more easily with trying times.

If we accept that life and anything in it is not permanent…

eg our partner, children, job, physical capabilities, financial and social status

…we are more likely to react gracefully when something perceived as valuable is taken away (LaBier, 2012).

Now – to be clear I’m not a Buddhist nor am I trying to convert anyone 🙂

But I am a fan of many of the Buddhist teachings which when combined with Western ideologies support better mental balance (Wallace & Shapiro, 2006).

As I’m very found of saying – all of our negative emotions arise from the gap between…

Reality and Our Fantasy of what Reality should Be

In reality, just because we’ve become used to having something, doesn’t mean it will always be there.

The sense of loss is human and natural however – if we remind ourselves of the impermanence of everything we can learn to let go sooner.

I often use the metaphor of clinging on bereft and hopeless to a broken but beloved doll.

The truth is the longer we hold on to the doll, wishing it were whole again, the longer we miss the abundance of other opportunities around us.

Now of course we are human and we have a natural grief cycle for any loss which it is appropriate and healthy to experience.

However – we can speed up that pain by remembering the true impermanent nature of all things.

And it’s not just the Buddhists that preach impermanence…

“This too shall pass”

attributed to the Sufi’s, Christianity, Jewish folklore & even used by Abraham Lincoln

Reminds us that hard times will be over soon and to savour the good times while the sun shines

How to escape Rumination and move to problem solving…

By all means spend some appropriate time mourning your loss what ever it is – repressing painful emotions can store them up for later and then…

You guessed it –  my old favourite…

Emo Log:

Write it down, you will likely need to review it again and again for painful changes

1) What am I feeling?

2) What’s this really about?

3) What can I do right now to improve things? be specific, what examples do I have to help me, what thinking errors can I correct eg catastrophising

eg remember that nothing is permanent, the sooner we stop mourning for what’s lost we can strive to make the best for what’s next

Perhaps remember a time when it felt like the world was tumbling down but it turned out to generate positive change

eg the end of a relationship or job that heralded something so much better

4) What can I do longer term to resolve this?

Hopefully there is a clear positive way forward or if not even perhaps may help to accept that to everything there is a season (Ecclesiastes)

a time to break down, a time to build up

a time to weep, and a time to laugh

a time to mourn, and a time to dance

…and if you need any help, just give me a call -I’m here to support you and doing both online and face to face sessions in Chiswick, Acton and Windsor

Nichola

Crisis Counsellor, Hypnotherapist and EFT practitioner

www.londonlifesolutions.com

nichola@londonlifesolutions.com

07946 526 838

If you’re not already signed and would like to receive further Newsletters from me please there’s a form at the top of this page

The Art of Letting Go during Hard Times

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