If you change your unconcious mind you can change your life

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Spending time thinking about good things from out past, present and future changes out brain chemistry in a positive way.

Savouring the moment will improve your mental health

Savouring doesn’t just create good feelings, it amplifies them and makes them last longer.

More Savouring = More Happiness

Savouring is linked to more happiness, greater self esteem, optimism and life satisfaction. It may also protect against depression and hopelessness.

and the even better news…

A study of 15,000 people found that those who experienced a lot of past adversity are better able to appreciate life’s small pleasures in the present.

10 Ways to Practise Savouring

and improve your mental health…

1 – Share your good feelings with others. This is called Capitalising. It makes the experience feel more valuable and, as a bonus, it builds trust.

2 – Take a mental picture of the moment to savour later. When we reminisce on savoured moments we recreate all the positive feelings over and over again.

3 – Revel in your success. Congratulate yourself and share it with trusted others so they can praise and congratulate you too.

4 – Pay attention to your senses – how does it look, sound, taste, smell, feel? The more detail you give to your positive memory as you create it, the more power it will have when recalled.

5 – Express your good feelings externally – smile, laugh out loud, whoop, cheer – hey do a happy dance if you want to 🙂

Laughter enhances your intake of oxygen-rich air, stimulates your heart, lungs and muscles, and releases Endorphins.

6 – Stop Multi-tasking and focus – be mindful of what you are experiencing – get absorbed. Savour the flavour, texture, smell of your food, the feel of a hug, the sensation of cool water on your body on a hot day.

7 – Consciously feel grateful in the moment when you remember things from the past or anticipate the future. Express it to yourself and others – “I’m feeling so grateful right now”.  Feed your gratitude practise.

8 – Stop being a Kill Joy. Why would you want to spoil an opportunity for Joy for you or anyone else?

Focus on the positives.

9 – Actively keep an eye out for situations to savour. Ever bought a new car and then seen that model everywhere? What we focus on proliferates in our lives.

10 – In good times (as well as bad) remember – “this too shall pass”. Life has highs and lows that come and go. So grab the highs with both hands, savour them wholeheartedly in the moment, and capture them as precious memories to savour over and over again

…and if you need any help, just give me a call

I’m here to support you and doing both online and face to face sessions in Chiswick, Acton and Windsor

Nichola

Crisis Counsellor, Hypnotherapist and EFT practitioner

www.londonlifesolutions.com

nichola@londonlifesolutions.com

07946 526 838

If you’re not already signed and would like to receive further Newsletters from me please sign up at the top of the page

Why Now is a Great Time to Savour the Moment

Disappointment is a tricky emotion

Sometimes it might make us mildly uncomfortable, at others it can challenge our entire view of ourselves.

It’s easy to wallow and ruminate – feeling like a victim – powerless or helpless.

However, if we take action we can turn things around quickly, get back on track and start moving in the right direction:

1 – Accept how you feel and take 15-20 minutes to wallow it’s important to recognise our feelings.

Research tells us that naming and writing down negative emotions reduces their impact.

Whereas forced positive thinking can increase our stress levels.

2 – Disappointment can lead to other emotions eg awareness, acceptance, determination or anger, bitterness, depression.

You may not be able to control the events or people around you but you can control your emotional response to them. Take the high ground and take action to restore your equilibrium.

3 – Remember that YOU are not a disappointment – you are EXPERIENCING a disappointment.

You are exactly the same person you were before the news/event, with the same skills and positive characteristics. You’ve just hit a bump and you have the ability to manage it.

YOU are not a disappointment – you are EXPERIENCING a disappointment

4 – Learn from the disappointment – There’s a famous NLP saying “there’s no failure, only feedback” – given another chance – what WOULD you do that you didn’t do, what WOULDN’T you do that you did do.

5 – Remember that disappointment happens in the Learning zone – there’s no growth in our comfort zone. Everything wonderful in your life started in the learning zone.

eg your relationships, your favourite hobby, your dream business or job.

But with risk comes reward and a few stubbed toes. Disappointment is inevitable when we strive.

6 – Take a reality check – Is it really that bad? – what’s the worst thing that could happen? What have you really lost and how can you recovery some of that loss? Focus on what you DO have – write a gratitude list, start a gratitude practise.

7 – Check your expectations – I’m fond of saying that all negative feelings are the result of the gap between reality and our fantasy of what reality SHOULD be.

So, were you expecting too much of yourself or others?

Perfectionism breeds disappointment.

8 – Talk it over with someone close to you or a therapist. Get a new perspective from someone you trust, someone who has your interest at heart. They may help you see yourself and the situation in a more positive light. You may even identify an opportunity you’d otherwise have missed.

9 – Boost your self esteem – create a “Why I Rock” list – indisputable proof you are great. Maybe start with what your best friends or family would say about you eg kind, funny, caring, smart…add specific examples.

10 – Identify one small step to get moving again. Then take that action to continue forward towards your goal and watch as your confidence is restored.

…and if you need any help, just give me a call – I’m here to support you and doing both online and face to face sessions in Chiswick, Acton and Windsor

Nichola
Crisis Counsellor, Hypnotherapist and EFT practitioner
www.londonlifesolutions.com
nichola@londonlifesolutions.com
07946 526 838

If you’re not already signed and would like to receive further Newsletters from me please do so at the top of this page – Thank You

How to Manage Disappointment

Did you know that there’s an equation for trust?

The Trust Equation

You can use the Trust Equation to assess why people may not trust you, and why you may not trust others.

The equation is: T = (C + R + I) / SO

T = Trust (the willingness or ability to rely on others)

C = Perception of Credibility (trusting what someone says)

R = Perception of Reliability (trusting what someone does)

I = Intimacy (entrusting someone with something)

SO = Perception of Self-Orientation (self-awareness and focus, i.e. whether your focus is primarily on yourself or others).

Wearing a mask tells me that they have a high R (reliability) score and a low SO (self orientation) score – they might just be OK 

One dictionary definition of trust is “feeling safe when vulnerable.”

Now more than ever we need our trusted support networks around us – our tribes, the people that “have our backs” – old friends and new – we need people we can TRUST

Brene Brown (Shame Researcher and highly recommended writer/TED presenter) uses the acronym BRAVING to describe how we can build and maintain trust:

  • Boundaries: Setting up parameters for what we will and won’t permit in our lives. We each have a bubble of comfort into which we allow some people and exclude others. We have the right to say yes to what we want and no to what we don’t want without guilt.
  • Reliability: Knowing that we can be counted on to do what we say and say what we mean.
  • Accountability: Owning up to our feelings, words and actions, rather than placing blame on others. 
  • Vault: Only sharing information that is ours to share or that we are given explicit permission to tell others if it is another person’s story.
  • Integrity: Living according to our values.
  • Non-Judgement: Speaking our truth and allowing for others to do the same without making them or ourselves wrong for it.
  • Generosity: Assuming that the other person has our best interest at heart and vice versa.

…and if you need any help, just give me a call – I’m here to support you and doing both online and face to face sessions in Chiswick, Acton and Windsor

Nichola
Crisis Counsellor, Hypnotherapist and EFT practitioner
www.londonlifesolutions.com
nichola@londonlifesolutions.com
07946 526 838

If you’re not already signed and would like to receive further Newsletters from me please do so at the top of this page – Thank You

Trust – why it’s so important right now and how to build it

Did you know it takes 5-12 positive experiences to over-ride a negative experience?

Our survival instincts are naturally honed to remember what might harm us again in the future and so we remember what hurts as a priority. 

The good news is that we can meddle with this process and rewire out brain to better retain and appreciate positive experiences and deflect negative experiences.

How do we do this?…Gratitude

Expressing appreciation and being grateful can reduce depression, lower blood pressure, reduce chronic pain, increase energy.

People who deliberately focus on grateful thoughts before bed sleep better.

Being grateful improves our self esteem, our empathy for others, it can even prolong our lives

It’s hard to “just snap out of it”, “cheer up” or “get over it”. If we are feeling consumed by very negative emotions it’s very hard to consciously shift eg from Fear or Misery to Joy. 

However, it is very easy to focus on gratitude, and gratitude is pretty far up the spectrum of positive emotions.

Even a homeless person can be grateful it’s not raining or that his dog is by his side.

The practise of gratitude releases serotonin and dopamine, feel-good neurotransmitters which act much like anti-depressants. 

Research shows that over time, a consistent gratitude practise enables us to re-wire our brains enable, to train our prefrontal cortex to better appreciate and retain the positive experiences and thoughts and deflect the negative ones.

Similar brain changes are detected in those who practise meditation or mindfulness.

Tips on how to be consciously grateful:

  1. Write a gratitude journal or use an App to record 3 things on the morning and 3 before bed 
  1. Practise present moment awareness – rather than wishing for something in our future or past – focus on the positive of what we have right now
  1. Celebrate minor accomplishments
  1. Tell people in your life something you appreciate about them
  1. Tell yourself too

NB: Authentic praise: for loved ones make it really count – with clients I say it should make you feel a bit vulnerable to sat it – eg rather than thanks for doing xyz child task say thanks for doing xyz task I love how we share the chores with the kids and because of that they look to both of us when they need support – you are a brilliant dad and I really appreciate it – thanks 

  1. Reconnect with nature or art – notice the beauty in the world 
  1. Think bigger than yourself – volunteer or join a cause – helping those less fortunate than ourselves creates gratitude for what we have and empathy for others
  1. Do random acts of kindness – hold open a door, smile more
  1. Replace complaints with gratitude – When you find yourself focusing on what you believe you’re lacking—I wish my car were nicer, my house were bigger, I had more money—replace it with thoughts of what you are thankful for.
  1. Make Gratitude a habit – all day everyday as often as you can

You’ll be very grateful you did 

…and if you need any help, just give me a call – I’m here to support you and doing both online and face to face sessions in Chiswick, Acton and Windsor

Nichola
Crisis Counsellor, Hypnotherapist and EFT practitioner
www.londonlifesolutions.com
nichola@londonlifesolutions.com
07946 526 838

If you’re not already signed and would like to receive further Newsletters from me please do so at the top of this page – Thank You

How to Rewire your brain to be Happier

most common deathbed regrets

It’s so easy to drift through life busy with the day to day to find ourselves asking Where did all the years go?…

Maybe now is the time to CONSCIOUSLY decide WHAT we want our FUTURE to be…

If you’ve lost someone recently or are dealing with unresolved grief  my heart genuinely goes out to you.

For you, I guess this newsletter may be particularly poignant or difficult to read.

My intention is for it to help all of us make better choices going forward – to learn from the past and live happier, fuller lives.

So how do we CHOOSE a happier future?

Bronnie Ware, a Palliative Care Nurse, wrote a book summarising the deathbed regrets of her patients.

Most common deathbed regrets: Top 5

I wish I had…

1 – Had the courage to be true to me, not what others expected of me

It can take courage to go against the expectations of loved ones and society but it’s better to be at the bottom of a ladder you want to climb than halfway up the wrong one.

Being yourself may be hard to articulate, even to yourself. Maybe you know exactly what you want to do, or maybe all you feel unfulfilled, directionless, apathetic.

A tiny step or small decision are great starting points. Move towards what brings you joy. Be prepared to abandon your current ladder and start again. If you feel rudderless – a coach could be helpful to identify your direction (I recommend Joanne Sumner Life Coach)

2 – Not worked so hard

There is nothing wrong with loving the work we do – in fact, we should AND we need balance to ensure work leaves room for time with and contribution to loved ones, self and community.

True value is not what you own, your worldly accolades but who you are – dying people knew this and wished for a simpler life with greater balance.

3 – Had the courage to express my feelings

Many adults find it hard to express their feelings honestly for fear of judgement or rejection, or the assumption others will magically know.

They usually don’t.

Start with small acts of bravery – compliments, thanks for the help given or a good job done, work up to the big stuff eg expressing your anger/love for an estranged parent.

You can never control the reactions of others but you can release damaging negative emotions and filter/deepen relationships through honest communication.

Ensure you know those you value to know how you feel.

Apologise when you make a mistake, clean the slate of guilt regularly.

4 – Stayed in touch with my true friends

Everyone has friends, but how many would be there through the absolute hardest times.

They offer history, acceptance, love and understanding.

Though lives get busy, these are the friends it’s worth every ounce of effort to maintain your connection with.

5 – Let myself be happier

Be happy now, enjoy the journey rather than focus exclusively on the goal.

Stop self-pity, focus on gratitude.

There will always be learning, some bring sadness some happiness – accept this and make happiness a conscious choice. Be silly and playful.

Focus on what’s positive rather than negative.

We have a chance NOW to review our lives…

Our work-life priorities, the quality of time we spend with loved one’s, the levels of authenticity in our relationships and our communication.

We have an opportunity to grow…

If you need any help, just give me a call – I’m here to support you and doing online video sessions

and I’m restarting Face to Face (2m distanced) sessions from 24th June

Wishing you Well & Happy

Nichola
Crisis Counsellor, Hypnotherapist and EFT practitioner
www.londonlifesolutions.com
nichola@londonlifesolutions.com
07946 526 838

If you’re not already signed and would like to receive further Newsletters from me please click here.
Thank You

How to avoid the most common deathbed regrets

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